Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Why Mexico City

Someone on Facebook asked why my parents got married in Mexico City.

Since it's too long an answer for Facebook, here goes.

My father got his master's degree at the Columbia University Journalism School. He was not yet 21 years old. He graduated at the top of his class (1939) and was one of three recipients of a Pulitzer Traveling Fellowship. This gave him the opportunity to travel and write for a year.

He headed for Europe in June. He knew by then that he wanted to be a foreign correspondent. He traveled through Western Europe, then Eastern Europe and the USSR and back to Western Europe. Well, if you remember your world history, you remember what started happening on September 1, 1939. World War II broke out.

My father had hoped to stay and find work as a war correspondent, but despite his letters of recommendation, he couldn't find a job, and he went home, not on a Cunard liner as he had on the way over, but on a freighter taking refugees back to the U.S. Among the passengers was my father's cabin-mate --not by choice-- who turned out to be, so he said and my father had no reason to doubt him, Prince Felix Yussupov. You may remember him as the man who killed Rasputin. My father notes in his memoir that he "had never before met anybody who had killed a man, let alone boasted about it. Sharing a cabin with him was fun on an otherwise tense voyage, but I didn't sleep too well thinking about my new friend, the murderer." (p.23)

FoAoH decided to finish up his fellowship in Mexico City, so off he went. There were many estadounidenses there at the time: Mexico was warm, welcoming, and inexpensive. It was also, as my father discovered, desperately poor, and the Mexico City metropolitan area was already crowded then with a population over five million. He started freelancing and stringing (working part-time) for several newspapers and news services.

After he'd been there for a while, MoAoH got sick of waiting up in Brooklyn. She'd finished college by then, so, as I like to tell it, she said to her parents "Bye-bye, I'm going to marry FoAoH!" Okay, it wasn't entirely like that. My parents had both turned 21 by then, it was now early 1940, and my father saw that they could live quite well on under $15 a week, so they decided that they would get married sooner rather than later. My father wrote a letter to my mother's father, as one did in those days, and promised he would take good care of her. They had known each other for years so my mother's parents knew my father was a trustworthy sort, and they knew my parents wanted to get married. People didn't "get engaged" in those days, at least in my parents' circles. It was the Depression and nobody was buying or showing off diamonds on their left ring fingers, and my mother's family was never terribly conventional anyway, though they certainly believed in marriage.

My parents met at James Madison High School in Brooklyn, New York. They didn't become sweethearts till college but were in the same group of friends in high school. Like many in their high school --mostly children and grandchildren of Jewish immigrants-- they attended public colleges: she went to Hunter College, which was all women at the time; he went to City College, which was all men. Both of those schools were way uptown in Manhattan, of course, and my family's version of "In my day we had to walk five miles to school in the snow, uphill in both directions!" was "It was the Depression, we lived at home, and we took the subway to school an hour and a half in each direction." Three hours of commuting a day to get an education. My mother is the one who talks about this.

My father was editor of the college newspaper and helped get a corrupt college president on the road to resignation, but that is another story and you can read it in FoAoH's memoir. He went on to a private university (Columbia) for professional journalism study. My brother also went there, years later, and I contemplated doing the same but didn't.

Back to the Mexico story. My mother took the bus down to Mexico City from New York. Yes, the bus. More like buses. I think her first stop was Indianapolis because she had an uncle there. Not sure whether or where she stopped after that, but it was a five-day trip. At any rate, she got to Mexico City safe and sound on a Friday, and the following Tuesday she and my father were married.

They married at the American Embassy because they were patriotic young people and wanted to be married on American soil. But the Ambassador wasn't empowered to officiate at weddings (unlike some other foreign diplomats) so they got a Mexican Justice of the Peace. Only civil marriages were valid in Mexico. A wedding at the JP's Registry office would cost two pesos, but they decided to splurge and go for the 32-peso wedding, which is what it cost to get married outside the Registry. 32 pesos in those days was about 8 dollars.

Foreign Service officers couldn't officiate at marriages but they could witness them (in the church that's the same thing, so I don't quite get the distinction, but there you have it) and issue a certificate of marriage so in addition to the Mexican wedding certificate, my parents got a U.S. certificate (for one dollar extra). I'm not sure whether the Consul General or the Ambassador signed the piece of paper, but they were both there. The Ambassador at the time was Josephus Daniels, a former Secretary of the Navy under President Woodrow Wilson who was a former newsman -- how appropriate. I remembered he was a Southerner, but what I had forgotten and just re-read in the Mexico chapter of the memoir is that he was the founder-editor of the Raleigh News & Observer. That's Raleigh, North Carolina.

Meanwhile, my paternal grandparents had expressed the desire for my parents to have a Jewish wedding ceremony, so several days later PoAoH located a rabbi, which in Mexico City was not so easy, and he witnessed and officiated at a religious ceremony. It was in Spanish and Hebrew and they had a sheet or a tablecloth for a chuppah (the traditional wedding canopy) and my father didn't have a kippah (yarmulke) so he used a handkerchief tied at four corners. The part of this story I love is that the rabbi lived on Jesus Maria Street. Now there's a title for a novel: The Rabbi on Jesus Maria Street.

Parents of Acts of Hope did have a little reception with a wedding cake. The cake was the work of two Greek-American pastry cooks from Manhattan who after fighting in the International Brigade in the Spanish Civil War (i.e. against Franco's forces) had settled in Mexico and opened a restaurant and bakery.

My father's memoir doesn't say and I haven't asked my parents, but it occurred to me a few years ago upon re-reading my father's description that these guys, Nick and Mike, were probably a couple. But maybe they weren't.

The cake had two white doves on top.


The big story in 1940 in Mexico was, of course, Trostsky's assassination, and my father, as a freshly minted journalist, got to cover it. There was a substantial cast of characters in the background shenanigans leading up to the assassination, including an American woman who had been one of Trotsky's aides. My father was stringing for the Jack Starr-Hunt News Service and among their clients was the N.Y. Daily News tabloid, which could care less about the politics of the story. Who cared if Stalin's arch-enemy had just been killed? The Daily News fired off to my father a cable that read "RUSH 1,500 WORDS GIRLIE ANGLE." Welcome to highfalutin foreign correspondent work.

After a few months in Mexico, with the fellowship year over, my parents returned to the U.S. and Brooklyn, where both their families lived. My father got a stop-gap editing job at the Brooklyn Academy of Music while hunting for a real job in journalism. At last, after six months, a real job materialized, and off my parents went to Herkimer, New York (for those of you who don't know, that's in the boonies, at least from a New York City perspective) where my father worked on the Evening Telegram newspaper for the magnificent sum of $35 per week.

The following year Pearl Harbor happened and my parents moved to Washington.

But that is another story.

The Amazing Parents of Acts of Hope: 70 Years Today!


The Amazing Parents of Acts of Hope are still alive and kicking at 91, after a scare this winter when Mother of Acts of Hope had medical episode which put her in the hospital for a little under a week and sent me dashing up to Boston on four hours' notice back in January. It took a while for her to get better but she is up and about and we are grateful, because today is a big day. Seventy, yes, 70, count' em, 70 years ago, on March 12, 1940, Mother and Father of Acts of Hope were married in Mexico City. Why Mexico City? That is a tale for this weekend. What I can tell you now is that Mother of Acts of Hope, age 21 at the time, took the bus, or rather several buses, from Brooklyn, New York to Mexico, D.F., Mexico. Now there's determination. And love!

We children are not up in Boston but will be going there in a few weeks when everyone in several different countries can get schedules coordinated, and we are looking forward to it. For now we are using electronic means to communicate, and of course flowers.

I'm always hesitant to post family photos on the blog and never post photos of children anywhere on the Web, blog or Facebook or websites, but if you are on Facebook and are a FB friend of mine and go to my profile, you can see in one of ththe family album some photos of my parents which I put up a while back. Note: I am off Facebook on Fridays, Saturdays, and most of Sundays in Lent, and it's a good thing. I may do more of this after Lent is over.

It is spring break at Guilford and I have been sleeping long hours and working on the Big Tome as well as taking care of this and that (never enough time during term time to do the simplest things, like make phone calls to physicians about check-ups and clean the kitchen floor and find lost pieces of paper) so no special celebration on my end today, except for a little family-in-the-Spirit time locally. The Adorable Godson and his bff are coming here for lunch --we haven't had a meal together in too long -- and so I must go to the kitchen. Good thing the boys aren't coming till an hour from now.

In other news, the Right Reverend and Right Honourable Maya Pavlova, FBE, is lolling against the laptop, looking sweet and calm, but she has a serious case of spring fever and broke the glass in a picture frame two or three days ago in a morning mad dash about the house. Outdoors the daffodils are blooming under grey skies and the birds are out in full force. Over and out.

The Sermon to the Snakes

"What is the whole of our existence," said Father Damien, practicing his sermon from the new pulpit, "but the sound of an appalling love?"

The snakes slid quietly among the feet of the empty pews.

"What is the question we spend our entire lives asking? Our question is this: Are we loved? I don't mean by one another. Are we loved by the one who made us? Constantly, we look for evidence. In the gifts we are given--children, good weather, money, a happy marriage perhaps--we find assurance. In contrast, our pains, illnesses, the deaths of those we love, our poverty, our innocent misfortunes--those we take as signs that God has somehow turned away. But, my friends, what exactly is love here? How to define it? Does God's love work in our lives? Or is God's love, perhaps, something very different from what we think we know?

"Divine love may be so large it cannot see us.

"Or it may be so infinitely tiny that it works on a level where it directs us like an unknown substance buried in our blood.

"Or it may be transparent, an invisible screen, a filter through which we see and hear all that is created.

"Oh my friends..."

The snakes lifted their bullet-smooth heads, flickered their tongues to catch the vibrations of the sounds the being made somewhere before them.

"I am like you," said Father Damien to the snakes, "curious and small." He dropped his arms. "Like you, I poise alertly and open my senses to try to read the air, the clouds, the sun's slant, the little movements of the animals, all in the hope I will learn the secret of whether I am loved."

The snakes coiled and recoiled, curved over and underneath themselves.

"If I am loved," Father Damien went on, "it is a merciless and exacting love against which I have no defense. If I am not loved, then I am being pitilessly manipulated by a force I cannot withstand, either, and so it is all the same. I must do what I must do. Go in peace."

He lifted his hand, blessed the snakes, and then lay down full length in a pew and slept there for the rest of the afternoon.

Louise Erdrich
The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse
(c) 2001
2002 paperpack, HarperPerennial, pp. 226-227


Solidarity: marriage equality, baptism, and ministry

Doxy and Dear Friend had the following statement in the wedding program:



Even in our joy, we do not forget our friends and loved ones who are barred by secular law and religious tradition from making the commitment we are making today. We pray for the day when all couples who wish to enter the covenant of marriage will be able to do so, and we will continue to work for the inclusion of all the baptized in the life and ministry of the church.

You've got to stop and smell the magnolias

Enough already with all the work. You've got to stop and smell the magnolias.


More from one of the reporters on the scene here.

The "theology" label below is because we really did, as the reporter notes, walk by the water discussing the Holy Trinity. Three of us.

Perichoresis at noon and boogying at night. Come to think of it...

And here is a photo of the happy couple (with their permission). Wedding tomorrow. May Godde continue to bless these two good people, their love for each other, and their work in the world.

Photo 1 by Paul the BB. Photo 2 by FranIAm.

Are we having fun yet?


Friends of this blog will recognize (or see for the first time) the faces of some notorious bloggers.

L to R:

The not-so-blushing-but-quite-radiant bride, Doxy, whom I know both on blog and IRL (we are both in North Carolina and trouble-mak... er, active in the same Episcopal diocese);

the Canon to the Extraordinary, humble servant to +Maya Pavlova, FBE;

and FranIAm.

Yes, that is an empty glass of Shiraz. Photo by the Byzigenous Buddhapalian. (Click to enlarge.) For more photos, see his blog and Fran's Facebook page. Peace out.

Travelers home safely

The intrepid Parents of Acts of Hope phoned to say they are home safely and happy birthday. They had a wonderful trip. They are off to bed since for them it is nearly 11 p.m. and they have been on a plane all day.

I am grading papers (grades are due first thing in the morning, no late grades allowed) and feeling all kinds of deadline pressure but taking a break to go out to dinner with two wonderful men who love each other. Life is good.

(That's the back terrace of the restaurant. Click to enlarge.)

Anne Rothenberg, R.I.P.

My aunt Anne Rothenberg, née Anne Becker, died of cardiac arrest early this evening in New York.

Her son, my cousin Ron, said that she went peacefully. She had been in failing health and was undergoing physical therapy at a nursing home following a stay in the hospital after surgery.

Anne sang and played the piano (in her younger years she performed as Anne Barry) and was a vocal coach for Broadway performers. Her husband, my uncle Bill, died a few years ago after several years in a nursing home following a stroke. Bill had been a strong, handsome, athletic man, an educator, coach, and summer camp director and it was hard for many to see him weakened and unable to speak much after his stroke. Anne visited him every day after his move to the residential facility, staying most of the day and, after lunch, playing the piano for him and the other residents and singing their favorite tunes.

When we were younger and all involved in the summer camp my grandparents founded (Anne and Bill directed it for some years) Anne composed and directed children's musicals. At our big family reunion a couple of years ago, she sat down at the piano and played and sang, and several of us cousins sang with her. She was a spunky, dramatic, generous woman.

Anne was the mother not only of Ron, who cared for her kindly and diligently in her last months, but also of Lisa, who recently lost her husband Gerald. This is a lot of loss for my cousin Lisa.

May Anne rest in peace. May the Holy One bring consolation to Anne's children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and may her memory be a blessing.

A happy anniversary

Today is the wedding anniversary of Mother and Father of Acts of Hope, both still alive, thanks be to Godde, at age 90. It is their 69th anniversary. They were married in Mexico City in 1940!

Father of Acts of Hope is a romantic and gave his beloved two dozen roses yesterday. She was thrilled. Today they will go out to celebrate -- during the daytime.

Gerald Johnson, R.I.P.


My cousin Lisa's husband Gerald died late last night after living with Alzheimer's for the last several years. He was only in his early sixties.

Gerald was an artist in (at least) three different media: a painter, potter, and rug-weaver. He was a gentle and creative man who made beautiful objects and was deeply inspired by Native art of the Dakotas and Navajo art as well as 20th century painters like Mondrian.

Originally from Joplin, Missouri, Gerald moved to New York, like many young artists, and created most of his work there. He met my cousin Lisa Rothenberg many years ago and they lived together in the Brooklyn loft where he also created his artworks, which required a lot of space. Lisa, an educator and artist, had had a severe car accident in her mid-twenties which left her with permanent neurological damage. She continued work as an educator as she was able but needed a great amount of care, which she received, devotedly, from both her father and Gerald.

Half a dozen years ago, Gerald and Lisa moved to Joplin, Gerald's original home, where rents were cheaper and Gerald's family was nearby. Not too long after, Gerald began showing signs of Alzheimer's and received his diagnosis. He was still a young man in his fifties. The roles reversed and Lisa began caring for Gerald. She also organized, while he was still compos mentis enough to enjoy it, a retrospective exhibit of his works, an act of great love.

Lisa and other members of Gerald's family were at his side when he died, peacefully and quietly.

Gerald will be cremated and his ashes dispersed in a river where he and Lisa used to fish.

Pray for Lisa, whose life is once again overturned, and who has loved Gerald well, as he too loved her.

Winter tunes: This one's for Doxy

Because I can't resist, and because I love this song. No video, just good sound. Turn the sound up, get up, and and dance!

This is going out to Doxy and Dear Friend, with the warmest congratulations of the Acts of Hope crew. We love you!

Father of Acts of Hope is ninety today!

We had a lovely day, Parents of Acts of Hope and I -- just the three of us, which was exactly what we wanted. Phone calls arrived from members of the far-flung Acts of Hope family, as did phone calls, cards, and e-mails from friends and extended family members, so we were also connected with many loved ones on this quiet day.

There was, of course, a foodie expedition. More on this in the near future.

Happy birthday, Daddy. You're the best.

A day late but not too late: No on 8

P.S. Missed the blogswarm yesterday, since it was my 8 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. work day, but dear Californians, please vote no on 8. Let people love each other, for goodness' sake.

And preserve their human and civil rights.

Here's a link to Fran's post and another to Paul's.