I made a deal with Petey that he could get my dad's old raccoon coat
if he let his girl to me mine. And he agreed. I had my first date with Polly.
She needed to be a logician otherwise she was good. So I decided to
talk on Logic and told her about fallacies. One of them we had
discussed; Dicto Simplicitor.
She said, "But this is marvy. Do more! Do more!"
"It will be better if you stop tugging at my sleeve," I told her, and when she desisted, I continued. "Next we take up a fallacy called Hasty General-ization. Listen carefully: You can't speak French. I can't speak French. Petey can't speak French. I must therefore conclude that nobody at the University of Minnesota can speak French."
"Really?" said Polly, amazed. "Nobody"
I hid my exasperation. "Polly, its a fallacy. The generalization is reached too hastily. There are too few instance to support such a conclusion."
"Know any more fallacies?" she asked breathlessly. "This is more fun than dancing even."
I fought off a wave of despair. I was getting nowhere with this girl, absolutely nowhere. Still, I am nothing if not persistent. I continued, "Next comes Post Hoc. Listen to this: Let's not take Bill on our picnic. Every time we take him out with us, it rains,"
"I know somebody just like that," she exclaimed. "A girl back home -- Elua Becker, her name is. It never fails. Every single time we take her on a picnic --"
"Polly," I said sharply. "it's a fallacy. Elua Becker doesn't cause rain. She has no connection with the rain. You are guilty of Post Hoc if you blame Elua Becker."
"I'll never do it again," she promised contritely. "Are you mad at me?"
I signed deeply. "No, Polly, I'm not mad."
"Then tell me some more fallacies."
"All right. Lets try Contradictory Premises."
"Yes, let's," she chirped, blinking her eyes happily.
I frawned, but plunged ahead. "Here's an example of Contradictory Premises: If God can do anything can He make a stone so heavy that He won't be able to life it?"
"Of course," she replied promptly.
"But if He can do anything. He can lift the stone." I pointed out.
"Yeah," she said thoughtfully. "Well, then I guess. He can't make the stone."
"But He can do anything." I reminded her.
She scratched her pretty, empty head. "I'm all confused," she admitted.
"Of course you are. Because when premises of an argument contradict each other, there can be no argument. If there is an irresistible force, there can be no immovable object. If there is an immovable object, there can be no irresistible force. Get it?"
"Tell me some more of this keen stuff," she said eagerly.
I consulted my watch. "I think we'd better call it a night. I'll take you home now, and you go over all the things you've learned. We'll have another session tomorrow night."
if he let his girl to me mine. And he agreed. I had my first date with Polly.
She needed to be a logician otherwise she was good. So I decided to
talk on Logic and told her about fallacies. One of them we had
discussed; Dicto Simplicitor.
She said, "But this is marvy. Do more! Do more!"
"It will be better if you stop tugging at my sleeve," I told her, and when she desisted, I continued. "Next we take up a fallacy called Hasty General-ization. Listen carefully: You can't speak French. I can't speak French. Petey can't speak French. I must therefore conclude that nobody at the University of Minnesota can speak French."
"Really?" said Polly, amazed. "Nobody"
I hid my exasperation. "Polly, its a fallacy. The generalization is reached too hastily. There are too few instance to support such a conclusion."
"Know any more fallacies?" she asked breathlessly. "This is more fun than dancing even."
I fought off a wave of despair. I was getting nowhere with this girl, absolutely nowhere. Still, I am nothing if not persistent. I continued, "Next comes Post Hoc. Listen to this: Let's not take Bill on our picnic. Every time we take him out with us, it rains,"
"I know somebody just like that," she exclaimed. "A girl back home -- Elua Becker, her name is. It never fails. Every single time we take her on a picnic --"
"Polly," I said sharply. "it's a fallacy. Elua Becker doesn't cause rain. She has no connection with the rain. You are guilty of Post Hoc if you blame Elua Becker."
"I'll never do it again," she promised contritely. "Are you mad at me?"
I signed deeply. "No, Polly, I'm not mad."
"Then tell me some more fallacies."
"All right. Lets try Contradictory Premises."
"Yes, let's," she chirped, blinking her eyes happily.
I frawned, but plunged ahead. "Here's an example of Contradictory Premises: If God can do anything can He make a stone so heavy that He won't be able to life it?"
"Of course," she replied promptly.
"But if He can do anything. He can lift the stone." I pointed out.
"Yeah," she said thoughtfully. "Well, then I guess. He can't make the stone."
"But He can do anything." I reminded her.
She scratched her pretty, empty head. "I'm all confused," she admitted.
"Of course you are. Because when premises of an argument contradict each other, there can be no argument. If there is an irresistible force, there can be no immovable object. If there is an immovable object, there can be no irresistible force. Get it?"
"Tell me some more of this keen stuff," she said eagerly.
I consulted my watch. "I think we'd better call it a night. I'll take you home now, and you go over all the things you've learned. We'll have another session tomorrow night."
(to be continue…)
Max Schulman
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